i HATE it...

i HATE it when i fall asleep :-(
it makes me forget to do the things i need to finish at a given time.

i HATE it when my stomach feels full :-(
it hurts to see others eating a lot of meal than mine.

i HATE it when i try to concentrate :-(
it is frustrating to find myself doing nothing and just wasting my adorable time.

i HATE it when i like someone :-(
it is intoxicating to find my own self denying the unwanted feelings.

i HATE it when i feel blue :-(
it makes me feel really really deeply sad.

i HATE it when i think of someone :-(
it makes me realize that, that someone does not think of me the way i do.

i HATE it when i knew i am falling in love already :-(
it makes me feel helpless and not trusting, for i know that i might give my heart to someone who is not worth my tears and LOVE ;(

that awkward little thing called INSECURITY :-(

I so hate it when I feel insecure of others, not because of what they have, but for the reason that a person treats them the same special way that same person treats me. It's incredibly annoying. And I am annoyed of myself, for why would I even feel that way? I REALLY HATE IT!

For now, I will just not think of them, and talk to them, until that awkward feeling is already gone. I need to have a moment with myself. I wish it will work.

[The picture above is not mine]

MY BAD :-(

Lately, I got easily pissed-off with my little brother. I like him. Yes, I do. I even love him and care for him. But I find it really hard and very irritating whenever he goes into my room and asks me for help. Yes, it is my duty as a sister to help my brother in his needs, especially concerning his studies. But it is just so very sad that he is already in his fourth grade, yet he does not understand anything about his lessons. This made me compare my younger years to his generation. Back when I was young, no one had taught me at home, no tutors,, only me.myself.and I, was the teacher of my own. I learned things from school, my own experiences, viewpoints of others, and my own realizations. 

But when I look at him, he still think and act like a kindergarten student and it is so frustrating.. frustrating to the fact that he had gone a lot of remedial classes already, home tutors, and yet, he does not learn. he does not yearn to learn. I wonder how am I going to handle him. Every time, I taught him of his lessons, he looks like very attentive, and he would just say yes in everything that I ask him, and in the end, when I ask him again of the same questions, he cannot answer it correctly even if I am coaching him already. I HATE IT. I REALLY HATE IT. It makes me want to cry a lot because I am already pressured with so many things, had sleepless nights, and a lot of research to do, and then he adds up to that tiring little thing called PRESSURE. IT MAKES ME GO BOOOOOOM!

There... it really makes me awfully feel bad of myself, because I am not a good teacher. I am a very very very bad teacher. So SAD. MY BAD :-(

Is KILLING part of HUMAN NATURE?

Would you believe that it's in human nature to kill each other with or without reason?

YES. Killing is part of HUMAN NATURE. OUR LAWS allow and condone acts that may lead to KILLING. (i.e. When one kills in self defense or even in the defense of a stranger). Even God, at some point, instructed some people in the old testament to be victorious against those who persecuted the Israelite. (e.g. David's slaying of Goliath was, i am sure, with God's imprimatur.)

[Note: the answers above is NOT MINE. This is the answer of SOMEONE who is already WISE and OLD ENOUGH to ANSWER THIS QUESTION. Someone, all the IS Students knew and even liked. HAHAHA! I bow down to the WISDOM OF THIS PERSON.]

MY ANSWER:

NO. Killing is not part of HUMAN NATURE. Our laws may have defined it, our society might have labeled it, yet KILLING DOES NOT ENTAILS THAT WE INHERENTLY HAVE IT.

People may KILL with or without reasons FOR PROTECTION AND SURVIVAL, but it doesn't mean that in everyday of our lives we lived to be capable to kill people with our own hands. 

As humans, we are good, and at the same time we are evil. 

Killing is part of our decision. It is part of our choices to kill or not. BUT IT DOES NOT JUSTIFY THAT KILLING IS ABSOLUTELY PART OF OUR HUMAN NATURE FOR IT IS NOT.

We are still bounded with choices and divine intervention with God's grace. 

God may have allowed people to kill, but He does not support killing that is not morally right anymore. For, Killing without a reason and that is evil, means the person is under satanic influence.

That is why killing does not absolutely support that is part of human nature, for it is ONLY PART OF OUR CHOICE... to kill or not to kill. to kill for goodness. or to kill because of evil.

ONLY ONE ♥

"Only One"

[ Alex Band ]

My eyes are painted red
The canvas of my soul,
Slowly breaking down,again
Today I heard the news
The stories getting old
When will we see the end?
Of the days, we bleed for what we need
To forgive, forget, move on
Cause we've got

One life to live
One love to give
One chance to keep from falling
One heart to break
One soul to take us
Not for sake us
Only One
Only One

The writting's on the wall
Those who came before
Left pictures frozen still, in time
You say you want it all
But whose side you fighting for?
I sit and wonder why
There are nights, we sleep, while others they weep
With regret, repent, be strong
Cause we've got

One life to live
One love to give
One chance to keep from falling
One heart to break
One soul to take us
Not for sake us
Only One
Only One
Just you and I
Under one sky

One life to live
One love to give
One chance to keep from falling
One heart to break
One soul to take us
Not for sake us
Only One
Only One

KISS ME ♥

"KISS ME"

[ Ed Sheeran ]

Settle down with me
Cover me up
Cuddle me in

Lie down with me
And hold me in your arms

And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck
I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet
And with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now

Kiss me like you wanna be loved
You wanna be loved
You wanna be loved
This feels like falling in love
Falling in love
We're falling in love

Settle down with me
And I'll be your safety
You'll be my lady

I was made to keep your body warm
But I'm cold as the wind blows so hold me in your arms

Oh no
My heart's against your chest, your lips pressed to my neck
I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet
And with this feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now

Kiss me like you wanna be loved
You wanna be loved
You wanna be loved
This feels like falling in love
Falling in love
We're falling in love

Yeah I've been feeling everything
From hate to love
From love to lust
From lust to truth
I guess that's how I know you
So I hold you close to help you give it up

So, Kiss me like you wanna be loved
You wanna be loved
You wanna be loved
This feels like falling in love
Falling in love
We're falling in love

Kiss me like you wanna be loved
You wanna be loved
You wanna be loved
This feels like falling in love
Falling in love
We're falling in love

VAIN BOREDOM ♥

VANITY + BOREDOM = CRAZY ME in a PICTURE

the BOMER♥GREY LADIES

WE LOVE TO READ NOVELS.

WE LIKE ONE COMMON GUY: 

CHRISTIAN GREY

(fictional)

and

MATT BOMER

(non-fictional)

WE ARE THE GREYS.

WE HAVE ONE COMMON HUSBAND:

MATT BOMER a.k.a CHRISTIAN GREY.

WE ARE HIS ANASTASIA STEELE.

WE LOVE HIM.

WE CARE FOR HIM.

WE ARE CRAZY FOR HIM.

and

WE ARE TRULY MADLY DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH HIM.

Our MATT BOMER,

CHRISTIAN GREY ♥

♥ CHRISTIAN GREY ♥

it takes EFFECT ♥

ME. MYSELF. and I.

During this shoot, I wasn't able to comb my hair. 

Actually, I find combing my hair very much tiring.

That's why I always tie it in either braid or whatever style, just to have it curly or wavy.

This photo was taken during my 18th birthday. 

I was the one who edited and made a collage of this.

I like the way I looked here.

So not like me.

So SWEET.

So GENTLE.

So CALM.

not me at all.

I'm a busy and frustrated person.

JUST SO RANDOM ♥ ♥ ♥

The following are picture I have retrieved from tumblr.com  If only I have the DSLR camera, then I would have been posting my own photography pictures here :) But, the pictures below are few of the photos I really liked. The message, the way it was captured, and the image itself... it's WONDERFUL :-)

KISS ME... LIKE YOU WANNA BE LOVED. 

LIKE YOU'RE FALLING IN LOVE :-*

(Ed Sheeran's song entitled: KISS ME)

KAWAII :-) 

The PUPPY IS SO CUTE. I want it to be mine. Ooh., how I wish I've got one :-(

ADORABLE, isn't he? He looks like a good rude buy :D

SWEET ♥

The PROMISE of YOUNG LOVE :)

Ooh, I wish I have someone to fall in love to...

then that would be great :D

" FUN "

That Thrilling and exciting moment where you just want to break free from all the anxieties and worries of life. You just want to take a break and erase all the stress from your being.

I WILL DEFINITELY RIDE with this, 'cause LIFE GOES ON.

And when I've got the money, I'll take every rides throughout the world, as long as it's safe and enjoyable :D

POSE LIKE THIS

ACT LIKE THIS

TAKE ME  PICTURE

I miss going to some photo shoots which are for FUN only :)

I will definitely do pictorial like this, it's just so PHOTOGRAPHY not being VAIN.

I loooove it ♥

This was ME.

This picture got a lot of like in my Facebook. I wonder why. 

But, what I like about this was that it was a stolen shot and I didn't know I was smiling that time.

HAHAHA.

This is not really a photography, but I just like the way the colors were played in this.

I remember the days...

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

♥♥ TRUST.THANK.PRAY.LOVE.LIVE.LAUGH.

continue to be CONFIDENT and be HUMBLE.

Do things that will GLORIFY the LORD, OUR GOD. :)) ♥♥

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

KaWaii!!! :))

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I could still remember the days when I was really a fanatic of blogging everything that had happened to me in throughout the day. I was really active in posting different opinions and insights done by me, of course.

And now, I deleted everything and changed my blog into something more simple than I had it before which was far way better that now. It's because I have forgotten already what sites I am using to make-over my blog. And Blogger had changed a lot. I was quite confused on some details and commands >___<

But still, I want to be active again. This is the only place where I can be a writer. A WRITER OF MY OWN FANTASY LIFE :)

DELIRIUM.

Have you tried having this confused mind?
Well, of course, all of us does.
And sometimes, it's irritating and tiring to think about all the confusion that blows our heads out of reality.
I have always been in this state.
A state to which I just want to do nothing. think of nothing. and live like I am nothing.
And it is difficult.
It is different.
It was like living a life to which I am not me anymore.
I was in the brink of giving up everything that I wanted, dreamed of, and hoped for.
But I realized,
THESE ARE THE THINGS I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING FOR SINCE THE BEGINNING.
Since the first day I learned of my identity.
The day I learned about my dramatic life's story.
The moment I have learned to be ME.
to be the person EVERYONE WOULD LIKE and ADORE.
to be the person who people would say, SHE'S GREAT. SHE'S JUST AMAZING. I WANT TO BE LIKE HER.
And YES, that happened.
And when it does, I felt happy, but not joyful.
It started to become a thing for others.
What I do,
What I say,
Who I am with,
Where I was,
and
Who I am,
they started COPYING ME.
Well, not everyone does, but some do...
THEY TRY TO BE YOU.
TRIED TO BE AS GENTLE AS YOU.
TRIED TO BE AS SIMPLE AS YOU.
TRIED TO BE AS THOUGHTFUL AS YOU.
TRIED TO BE AS DREAMY AS YOU.
And what did they got?
NOTHING.
And what did I learned?
It is nice to be adored, but it is not joyful to see other's working hard to be just like you.
It's irritating.
It's weird,
It's boredom.
It's a problem.
WHY WOULD THEY WANT TO BE LIKE ME?
When in fact, I AM NOT PERFECT.
I AM NOT GREAT.
I AM NOT GENTLE.
I AM NOT THAT AWESOME IN EVERYTHING.
Sometimes its so frustrating to hear everyone expects of too much from you.
that is why I have lived my entire life trying to be perfect..
trying to be great.
trying to awesome.
and it is TIRING.
IT IS CONFUSING.
IT IS CAUSING ME DELIRIUM.
IT IS DEATH.
.
.
.
and when you can't just handle it all..
YOU WANTED TO BE NOT YOU ANYMORE.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I REALLY WANTED.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE REASON WHY I DO THIS and THAT.
I am sick and tired of being a model student.
Why can't I just be like others?
Average.
Normal.
Happy-go-LUCKY.
They seem not to worry about anything.
They seem to be really happy.
I want to be like that.
I want to be free.
JUST FOR ONE DAY.
JUST FOR AN HOUR.
JUST FOR A MINUTE.
even a SECOND.
I wanted to know ME.
I want to know if;
I AM I STILL ME?




[I do not own the Image above]